Long Long Long Summer

I am having such overwhelming thoughts on PTSD lately. Like, will I be able to handle a relationship or a job or life? I feel like I'm a burden and having a hard time kicking it in the butt. I'm aware that I've only started therapy 4 months ago, but still. I hate everything about it, how it makes me feel, how it makes others around me feel, and how it rules over my life. I rather just hide and live on my own for the rest of my life than cause other's hurt or burden.

I feel like if I cause so much pain, I should disappear off the face of the earth. Who's going to care for this person? Who's going to want someone who is this broken and hard to fix. Who wants to go through all the crap to deal with me?

As time goes on and I learn more and more about PTSD and myself. I feel like I'm not worthy of those around me. And that I'm really a terrible person to be around.